Bonding with your baby starts from the womb. As early as 16 weeks’ gestation, a baby’s hearing begins to develop. Initially it’s very muffled and mostly internal noises like mum’s heartbeat and tummy gurgles. However, before long they start to hear the world outside.
They will begin to recognise different voices as early as 20 weeks and as they grow you may even notice they kick and wiggle in response to certain voices. Sometimes after birth, a crying baby will begin to settle to the sound of dad’s voice as they will recognise ‘this is the man that’s been keeping me company this whole time’.
The benefits of skin to skin bonding
Baby bonding is as much about a strong family relationship as anything else. Being there for mum makes your relationship stronger, from taking an active role in researching throughout the pregnancy, to helping get the house ready for a baby and ultimately supporting baby’s birth.
Once baby is born, skin to skin is one of the best ways for new parents to bond with baby. It’s as simple as it sounds - sharing direct skin contact with baby. Provided baby doesn’t need immediate medical intervention at birth, skin to skin can, and should, happen immediately.
Having my baby on my chest for the first time was the greatest moment of my life, and I can still remember the rush of euphoric calm that ran over me. There’s science behind this too. The contact of baby on your chest will release oxytocin (the love hormone) and measurably reduce your cortisol (stress hormone), lowering blood pressure and heart rate. It will also lower testosterone and release dopamine, making you feel an overwhelming sense of a need to nurture and care for your baby.
Skin to skin should continue throughout a baby’s early life as regularly as possible. It’s fantastic for you and baby, with baby recognising your smell, hearing your heartbeat and regulating their temperature, alongside sharing healthy skin bacteria to help build baby’s bodily flora and immune system.
Bonding with your baby through feeding
If your baby is breastfed, the focus shifts to how dads can support with these feeds. Changing the nappy before a feed and burping baby afterwards are great ways for baby to associate you with the feeding process. Being present for breastfeeds is also important where possible, whether it’s chatting with mum or reading baby a story.
If mum expresses breast milk to give via a bottle, it’s recommended that the non-breast-feeding partner gives the expressed breast milk to prevent breast and bottle confusion. There’s no specific trick to bottle feeds - just be present (put the phone down), look at baby as you feed them and enjoy the moment. If you are formula feeding, the same principles apply.
Creating a bedtime routine with your baby
In the newborn phase (the first 8 weeks), babies haven’t developed a day/night cycle and will be varied with feeds and sleep. However, as they approach the 8-week mark, developing a bedtime routine helps to teach baby when it is daytime and night-time, and longer sleep windows and more consistency will follow.
The bedtime routine is great for bonding. It can be varied but generally aim for a similar time each day and a similar order of events.
We start with a period of play, with activities relative to our baby’s current development. When she’s starting to get tired it’s bath time, which is far easier together! Afterwards, drying baby and massaging a little fragrance-free moisturiser all over is a lovely way to help baby build sensory associations.
Finally, and in my opinion just about the best thing you can do for your baby, the bedtime story. Most of the time it’s yourselves, but getting baby’s grandparents, uncles, aunties etc. to have a go at reading is a great bonding exercise for everyone.
Bonding with your baby as a working dad
It's important to say I don’t do all of these things every day. As a working doctor, I have long days and paternity leave is not what it could be. You often feel like you’re missing out, but there are ways to make it better. When I get home, I immediately take the baby, whether it’s for cuddles, play or even just to settle her to sleep.
Most importantly, prioritise time with baby over everything else - emails can wait, housework can wait, errands can wait, but a smiley baby that’s ready to play with you cannot.
